Recently I met a friend who I have known for 20 some odd years. We had not seen each other for some time. As the conversation progressed, he told me that everything was much better now that he knew he was bipolar. This label had freed him to understand exactly why his life was what it was and went the way it was going. Freedom to him was a daily reminder that balance in his brain led to a happier life and allowed him to do exactly what he wanted all the time. I was impressed. For someone to gain awareness of their being, align this with a warrior sense of choice and move forward with the solidity of a soldier who knows that every day is a battle for awareness. Toltec for sure, even though that label was not part of his vocabulary.
This exchange made me aware in a recapitulative manner that I have known a bunch of self-aware bipolar people. Reaching back to family which also has this genetic deal of the cards within their brain/body awareness, I realized that in many ways I attract bipolar people into my life. The question as a toltec warrior is why and am I losing energy to this aspect of the matrix? I’d say, that without being a doctor or anything, I have become an expert on relating to bipolar people. Relationships, friends, family seem to have this amazing affliction, if it really is one. The scattered line of a web of being spreads back into the distant past in my awareness and I can’t think of any time that I have not had a significant friend or relation that was not bipolar. Hummmm, silence shook me to the core.
Bipolar is a mood disorder according to the authorities. The brain moves through cycles of dopamine and the like the way the moon waxes and wanes. For most of the time bipolars are depressed. Yet there is that occasional flash of energy seemingly from nowhere when they reach the heights of mania and sail through that period able to do heroic feats of human awareness. Of course, only to land back in a depression that could best be called biblical. Energy not only is gone from the human system, but so too for many, is the memories of the mania that just happened. Bipolar people feel during these times that they are just in for the ride and what they do is so uncontrolled and logical that nothing seems wrong. There is a small spark of self-awareness that says, “there is nothing I can do but ride the train until it stops. So why not enjoy it while it is here.”
Artists and shaman, mad people and prophets all have had this characteristic to reach heights of heaven for a brief time only to fall again like Prometheus stealing the sun back to the earth to be burned on the stake of public opinion after the gift is given so freely away. There is a selfless quality to these manias, there is inspiration and intuition. In some sense, it is like the cliff that Carlos leapt off of in Mexico only to find himself back in a hotel room alone with no recollection of the passage through third attention that just occurred. What a gift!
And therein is my wonder about these amazing people. In a culture dominated by the predator who demands sameness and fitting into the dominant mold, these marginal wonders are wandering territory we all wish we could wander. You see human life is if nothing else bi-polar. Not in terms of the label, but in terms of the insanity of living. We set ourselves up with these left-right, good-evil, sets of battles and think that when we have chosen we have the right answer and all is right with the world. But the universe is more interesting that this. And much more random in its need to express awareness.
Most do not understand that within our own bodily matrix we have two distinct brains, left and right, that often battle for control of the system. One logical, one emotional, one numeric and verbal, the other filled with color and sound, one accessing the point, the other seeking around the circle, one attached to time, the other oblivious of its passage. Only in stroke survivors and strange medical anomalies do we discover that each side could work just fine without the other. Everyone is really two…. And the radical fringe of psychological wonders prove that some have a war going on between the two. The assemblage point, to use Toltec terminology, is a point between the left and right sides of awareness, manifesting the left and right sides of the brain. There is a solid evolutional necessity that has emerged to create a creature with such a battle going on between… awareness lives in a mysterious still point on the bridge to forever, there in the middle…. the war of armeggedon raging below the bridge the spark of possibilities lighting the sky above.
Awareness of life and the predator, death and the necessities, stories and all the lies, makes us insane. Insane apes as the toltecs say. One more gene beyond nature’s ability to handle our creative ways with which we dominate and destroy the planet as well as each other. I have come to the conclusion that if you are not completely mad, as a hatter, then you are not paying attention. Toltecs demand attention be paid and responded to and in the end liberated through gathering enough energy to fly past the matrix madness as it is. We are all in many ways bi-polar… We see the left and right hand sides, the will necessary to stalk our lives and the dreaming potential of creating each moment a new with beauty and silence. We intend it… But toltecs don’t buy the doctor’s diagnosis nor the necessities of a life of managing an illness. No, we say this is a gift, even if it requires maintenance doses of some ally chemical. We turn the explanations on their ears and look at awareness with a vision of freedom.
I am not maintaining that any of my family nor friends should give up the daily dose that allows them to stalk in a world gone mad. I actually see this as a point of freedom granting them the ability to see the pattern for what it is, a reaction to the insanity of humans as they have created themselves to be. I love my mad sane friends who are often far more intelligent than my self in describing not only their own madness but the madness around them. They are stuck in the why-nots of being. Why can’t things be easy, ecstatic, a constant dance of being and awareness. Why can’t we fly all the time and see beyond the horizon of our limited perceptions. And I have no response… why not?
Maybe the increase in bipolar people in our world and our need to control them is a sign that more doorways of perception really need to be opened by the rest of us. Maybe to survive, we really need to go a little bit crazy. Thank you good friends and dear family for your teaching me that there may be no solution to the madness of sanity.