“They (the New Seers) discovered that we have a companion for life,” he said, as clearly as he could. “We have a predator that came from the depths of the cosmos and took over the rule of our lives. Human beings are its prisoners. The predator is our lord and master. It has rendered us docile, helpless. If we want to protest, it suppresses our protest. If we want to act independently, it demands that we don’t do so.” The Active Side of Infinity – Carlos Casteneda.
It has taken me weeks to even come close to writing about this. Without any awareness, I came into battle with the predator in a way inconceivable to me up until this time. Intending complete freedom and a willingness to link fully to intent, a group of us intended a leap into deeper freedom and awareness. Instead of dreaming a new dream, a group of us were linking to dream as it is emerging. In other words, we were intending by uniting with INTENT such that within our being and beyond our being were united with intent unfolding in the moment or intent dreaming. It’s subtle, I know, to even try to put words to this act of over a month ago.
A week after this, with time on my hands and a completely different agenda for my weekend, I wandered off to a mountain and sat in silence intending personal clarity. Within hours my body was taken over by an enormous amount of fear. Every thought word or deed that I had done over the past 6 months was paraded before my eyes/head and heart with a voracity and a repetition that would make even the strongest of hearts cry out. I did. The cyclical process in my head was amplified by a feeling of being stabbed in the will by a knife. I was recoiling and frightened like a child.
It would have been great if that experience was over in an hour or two. It lasted 2 weeks. The first two days were so bad that I thought that I would check into a hospital… I even had strong feelings of suicide and abandonment to this foreign mind.
It took some unraveling because everything I thought or experienced was being cycled through this filter which demanded that I accept a story which was not true. In essence the predator’s mind was demanding full control in reaction to an act of intending total freedom. It was not allowing any other view of my current situation but its own story. At some level, I knew this voice was not even close to true. I even had to confirm with others if my perceptions were accurate because I was questioning everything that was happening in my mind. But the voice in my head made it seem all the more true and real by its incessant repetition. The predator wanted my complete submission.
At some point, with the aid of a nagual woman, I was able to stand and see two selves, two views of every moment. One self was tied into the predator’s voice, the other was silent and free to roam the avenues of awareness. As she demanded that I let go of the false voice, it took 4 days of constant vigilance to push, shove and heave this voice and feeling in my will out of me. The volume began to decrease as practicing silence and a ton of breath work took over my movements.
If this seems like a complete absurdity, let me tell you, at any given moment everything that I was hearing from this false voice had the sure fire feeling of being completely true. The pressure was amazing on my will, and at one point I said to a warrior friend of mine, I felt like I was battling for my life… certainly for my freedom.
With practice we move our assemblage points to positions of greater and greater connection to intent. As we do, we deepen our connection to freedom in a manner that cannot even be defined. It is as these shifts occur that the predator rears its head even stronger than before, because we are headed away from the enforced power deal that the predator has made with our race. We can no longer sit idly by and wish for freedom, or even do all the actions which are required of a warrior of freedom… we must align all of our inner lines of will with the lines of intent of the universe itself. Only when these are in complete balance and harmony with a deep and abiding silence will we be free of the foreign contract which has outgrown any use if it had one at all.